My entire life I have been blessed. I have rarely wanted for anything (that I needed). There was that ‘It’s my beautiful, Playskool Dollhouse’ that I never got, but who are we kidding, I didn’t need that thing. I grew up in a loving home, with loving parents. I married my middle-school sweetheart. I don’t say this to boast or brag. I say it to remind myself to be thankful because for the first time in my life, I am tackling true, ugly heartache.
My prayer has been for God to guard my heart. Guard it against sadness, unfaithfulness, jealousy and resentfulness and fill it with joy and thanksgiving. I have specifically prayed for God to show me things to rejoice about and things that needed my earnest attention in prayer.
This past month has been one for the books. I’m can honestly say that I am losing my faith, my hope, and I’m quite certain I’ve lost my mind! 🙂 I feel like God has gone silent from me other than to say ‘Be thankful.’ Be thankful, be thankful, be thankful. With a side dish of ‘Count your blessings’.
While it’s not what I want to hear, and while my faith is shaking like nothing I’ve ever experienced, I am, without a shadow of a doubt, thankful beyond measure. A lot of people live their whole lives without experiencing a love like that I have for my husband. If I’m granted no other gifts from God in my life, William is more than enough. I’m surrounded by a family that is second to none. I wouldn’t give up my friends for the world.
And while I wake up daily with a heavy heart, I also wake up rejoicing in what we’ve been blessed with and I say an earnest prayer that I begin to fully see that what we have is enough. More than enough.
Be thankful. Be thankful, be thankful, be thankful. And count my blessings.
I’m not one to pour out my heart or air my dirty laundry on the internet, but I am one to lift others in prayer. Especially if I know what they’re going through. This experience has taught me to love fiercely, hug often, and most of all, to listen. You never know what silent battles someone is facing. When William and I feel more comfortable talking about our struggles, I hope it blesses someone. I hope God’s glory shines all around our heartache. Cheesy as it sounds, the words to one of my favorite Garth Brooks songs has been on loop in my mind for months, “some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers”.